D&D in Space

Calypso Log Parts 4 and 5
This one's a doozy


With the fleet and crew beginning to suffer from exhaustion, mistakes were made and three ships were unable to jump in time. The inferno had to stay behind and keep these ships alive while the Devoted fleet jumped back in. Kanda managed to once again pull off feats of insane ability (aided by Deadman's special Space Cocain), threading through broken links in the devoted web, but sadly, the ship KibleShrinkstorm's pride did not get so lucky and it's crew was abducted. Spanner managed to get onto the gun pod of the ship he was being detained aboard (on the devoted fleet) and do some damage to the fleet from within. Then he teleported back to the Inferno and they managed to escape with their lives. 

Unfortunately, several Devoted jumped onto the inferno as well and they had to be fought off.

Kanda, still on cocaine, charted several more courses, then jumped in the fridge to find herself in experiencing being captive aboard a devoted ship. Lots of Christian Rock posters. It was confusing and she was beligerant. 


The fleet jumped again, with the Devoted still following.


The fleet jumped again, with the Devoted still following. The crew had no idea how.

Dylan decided that she wanted to figure out how to wake up Ike. She asked the Captain if she could set about using ship resources and he said she was given "complete latitude" to do "anything she needed" to wake up Ike. So, after some careful deliberation, Dylan hooked up Tick Tock's corpse to the ship's FTL drive and to Ike's container and rerouted enough energy to jump the ship into the cannister with Ike. Ike woke up.

Ike was furious when he heard what had happened. Knowing that the Devoted were using the same jump technique meant that they had another of Ike's kind. The thing is, there are only two of his kind. Ike and Tina. They are both the halfs of a great intellegence that split in half. 

Dylan was interested in using Ike to get to the dimension where galateans keep their brains but Ike refused to help unless the crew saved Tina. You see, Ike was under the belief that Tina had already been saved by Ronan, when Ronan rescued Ike. And that they would be reunited when Ike finished his favor. 

The party agreed. They would go save Tina.

Ike also explained what the fridge is. He called it a dimensional tear. It is conscious and feels hatred for everyone. But it can be used to create time loop origins so he told the crew to hop in the fridge so they can retain their memory in the event that this whole rescue goes sideways and Ike has to reset time.

So the crew hopped in the fridge.

While in the Fridge, Sledge experienced his own funeral. Thousands gathered on a mud hill and they watched his body. Sledge walked about as a ghost and when Target felt him pass, he called out, and the whole croud engaged in a massive fist fight. Sledge was pleased. Then he was sucked underground and met Black Fin, now fat and huge, reading moby dick. He gave the small book to sledge and told him to read it.

Kanda experienced a forgotten memory from childhood. She was with her mother and Kira Burningheart, back when Kanda was just a child. Kanda watched as sniper shot Kira to the ground and her mother dragged Kira back inside. Kanda's mother then somehow revived Kira, mending her wound with her hand. Then another shot rung out and went straight through Kanda's mother's head. Stonesoul simply smiled and told Kanda it was "Ok" and that "This will all be over soon," and touched her daughter's head. Blackout.

Dylan experienced life as a Bright One. She walked about in a strange land with old statues of arden and human. She was now a he, and he was trying to figure out where he was and why? Then he attended the funeral procession of Drottr. And Dylan began to realize she was in the mind of her own son. Then the other Bright Ones revealed they had played a prank, giving the young Bright One temporary amnesia. Then black out.

Spanner experienced the sensation of being the Devourer.

Then Kanda did some more cocaine.


With the Crew all saved, the fridge were ejected and the party sent the rest of the fleet forward and waited for the devoted to arrive. 

When the devoted arrived, they used Ike to make their ship fast enough to avoid the web while Drottr, Dylan, and Spanner teleported to the fleet.

They had a hard time locating Tina and eventually, Kanda was captured by the devoted, while the team was gunned down by Devoted defenses.

Ike hit reset.

They tried again, but this time, Kanda, knowing where the Devoted fleet would be lined up her ship, spoofed it to look like a devoted ship and hopped into the net as soon as they arrived. It was nearly perfect, with the engine crew needing to sprint to the front of the ship to avoid the web at one point.

Aboard the devoted fleet, Spanner realized that the doors on the ships were not actual doors but teleporting waypoints and that he could program any door to teleport them to the "experimental engine." So, on their way, the crew found several sleeping bright ones, and several totally unknown aliens, also sleeping, in pods. 

Once they found Tina, Sledge punched her free and Spanner tried to absorb her into his system. The power overload was so massive, he had to syphon it off, bit by bit, to the rest of the devoted fleet, causing a temporary economic collapse among their systems. 

Spanner teleported the crew back and they took off with Tina in tow. 


With the Inferno back with the fleet, Dylan made her pitch.

The idea was to use Ike, and the fridge, and Spanner's head to create a portal that would allow the crew to go into the universe of galatean minds, so they might make some… adjustments there.

Ike agreed, set up the portal, and explained that he would translate that world so that the ship would be able to go there and the crew would experience physics as they are used to. 

Inside the portal was a world of many glowing blue, electric planets. The ship landed on a planet and they realized the surface was covered in hexagonal pillars that raised and lowered in discrete patterns. The group removed one pillar and examined it, then they left.

They determined that each planet was a galatean mind.

Eventually, they found a donut shaped planet and they met a man on that planet, also made of hexagons. This man was like a child's drawing come to life. He spoke in a stilted horrible voice. He wished to be called "elvis." 

The crew asked him to take them to where the devoted minds are and he agreed. He got real huge and hugged their ship and the flew him to a place where the planets were surrounded by chunks of discarded materal, as if the planets were all falling apart. Here planets ranged in size from huge to very small. 

At this point, Wise Crack mentioned to the captain that itch was back. All the crew was feeling it. So the captain assembled the crew. But Splatter looked ready for violence. 

Captain said, "you wanna fight?"

Splatter said "Yeah."

"Then let's fight."

So they did. Splatter got Captain good, but sledge with one punch nearly put a hole right through splatter, downing him instantly. Then, the brawl was on. The kitorin, one by one, gave into the itch and they leaped into the fray with magical darkness and electrified garotte wires. Things looked dicey for a moment until Kanda got on the intercom and shamed them all into passivity. 

They were all sent to their rooms and locked in.

Dylan discovered Deadman was attempting to sow several corpses together. Dylan also discovered that Deadman has several corpse drawers. 

Anyway, the crew spoke with Elvis about this region of planets and he explained that the planets wer sloughing off parts of themselves that they didn't need to "Play the game." Elvis explained that all the planets are playing the game and he is very lonely. He made a deal with the crew. Elvis will repair the planets (possibly returning som long forgotten sense of empathy and moral reason to the devoted) but in return the crew would have to make one thousand of the planets unable to play the game, so that Elvis could have some friends to talk to. 

He explained that while Elvis is unable to destroy, the crew can, and they can destory just the parts of the planets that allow them to interface with "the game" (which in this context means the material plane). Essentially the deal was, he would grant the devoted a higher sense of empathy and ethics in return for permanently severing the minds and bodies of one thousand galateans. 

The party was no sure what to do. Knowing there were other donut planets, they went to see the other "gardeners" as he called them to see if they could find another way. The second Gardener was called "James Marsden" and he made the same deal as Elvis but for 850 planets instead of one thousand. The third Gardener in the shape of an arden this time agreed to 750. His name was "The Letter P." The final Gardener agreed to do it for as low as 175 planets (souls, really) but the crew would have to kill the other Gardeners. You see, the Gardeners all wanted more friends, but hated eachother. 

At this point, Mickey was basically a full on cat. Dylan had passed out from exhaustion. Sledge could barely speak, and Kanda was… still on space cocaine. So Kanda took "The Letter P"s deal and performed orbital bombardment surgery on 750 planets, removing them from their access to the real world (she picked the smallest planets in the devoted cloud). Then she passed out from the space cocaine. Sledge to the controls, being the only conscious member left on the ship and as he flew out he saw "The Letter P", now massive inside, gathering up all the planets, cackling, shouting "All my new friends! Joy, exhaultation! Look at my new friends!" like a madman.


The fleet jumped. They were no longer being followed. 


Calypso log pt 3

T: 15:40

The Crew finally got in place and after some arguing, began their plan. Dylan's Droid went in and announced that The Devourer had instructed them all to shut down. This somehow worked, but only on the Orchestrators. The Berserker, with restricted sentience, could not understand the message. Next, Dylan managed to gain control of the massive arms within the Barge that are used to move around huge machines. She used these arms to pry open the hatch on the roof of the Barge, venting the air. Next, Spanner and Drotter went into the airlock, which suddenly vanished. It had been installed with an FTL drive and rigged to activate when it registered an organic lifeform (drottr). WIth the airlock to the vacuumed back of the Barge open, Dylan and Sledge were sucked into the vacuum. (Sledge went on purposed) Kanda followed on her hoverboard and caught Dylan before she made impact with the terraforming spire. Now, with three of the crew aboard the spire, they realized that their earlier plan was not possible. Berserker were charging up the side of the spire, and the Devoted fleet would be arriving any minute. So, while Sledge and Kanda fought, Dylan used the giant mechanical arms she controlled wo lift the spire out of the barge. Meanwhile, Mickey had figured out how to detonate the Barge's FTL system and had done so. He leaped to the spire, was caught by Kanda on her hoverboard, and they arrived back at the spire at the moment The Inferno had pulled up and hit the FTL. At this point, Kanda surfed on the tidal wave of an exploding ship while also surfing through dimensions as she experienced an FTL jump while outside of a ship. It was very rad.

In the end, everyone made it out, except Drottr and Spanner. And also, everyone was very ill. Sledge was shot several times. 

T: 16:30

After jumping, the crew finished off the leftover devoted, Kanda figured out the next jump point, Sledge slept, Dylan did some investigating while the Kitorin crew helped to fix her broken droid. 

T: 20

The fleet prepared to jump. 

The Calypso Log, pt 2

T: 5 hours

It was around this time that Tick Tock died, although no one reported the death until after the next jump.

Drottr spent some time recovering and incapacitating a Bright One teenager out of his pod. 

Then the crew disseminated the 45 extra bright ones taken on after abandoning a ship back at Graceful End. 

Dylan spoke to an Orchestrator and discovered that the Devoted believe our whole universe to be a simulation.

T: 8 hours

The third jump occurred. Soon after, Tick Tock's body was discovered.

Tick Tock was killed via Bright One Phaser blast. A sleep aid crystal was installed above his quarters to ensure he died in his sleep. Although detailed inspection revealed he woke briefly, and attempted a swipe at his attacker. The suspects included the crew and the 45 Bright Ones aboard at the time. Dylan and Drottr spoke to Journey Maker who was dying of old age that very minute. 

T: 9 Hours

Dylan spoke to Hope Reversed about the Backwards Facing God. Hope Reversed spoke of a prophecy that included 2 navigators dying. She also claimed that Drottr would be the one to find the backwards facing god. No one else.

It was decided at this time, independant of this conversation, that Drottr would be the only one to know of their destination. Kanda would cook up three possible courses for every jump and Drottr would pick which one to take. And only Drottr would know what planet they were headed to.

T: 12 Hours

The fleet jumped again. Once again, there was no sign of the Devoted fleet. 

Drottr decided to go into the Fridge, hoping, I believe, to contact the Val Star. Instead, he spoke to the backwards facing god (sometimes mistranslated as Calypso). The god said 3 things of interest. First, it said that it only knew the future (it's past) and it was sorry. It said it would meet Drottr again at the end, and at the beginning, and it relayed a message to Drottr, from Drottr. The god said that there are sources of power aboard the ships that may not be coming from the ship itself.

T: 14 hours

The Crew assembled aboard the Barge, noticing that the ships terraforming gear was being used to create Devoted.

The Crew hatched a plan, wherein the heavy hitters Drottr and Sledge would create a suitable distraction. Meanwhile, Dylan and Spanner would get to the access panel of the terraforming spire and hack it to create defensive drones similar to those used by Dylan in combat. All the while, Kanda would attempt to emulate the voice of The Devourer and attempt to throw off the Devoted.

It was an interesting plan.


The Calypso Log, pt 1

T: – 30 hours

Plans are underway to blow up the space station "The Joy of Interrupting a Pendulum.

Sledge stares ominously at the Bright Ones in an attempt to hurry their evacuation. He receives a data storage device containing the secret Bright One Histories. He later gives this to Dylan.

Kanda gets to know the Kitorin crew better.

Mickey meets a fan. Mickey Autographs a wooden orb for the Bright One admirer. 

Dylan feeds the baby she accidentally made with Thought Exploder. She thinks thoughts while mind-jacking Flaw Finder. Her child is developing apace.

But most importantly, Drottr meets Hope Reversed. The last living devote of the Backwards Facing God. She tells Drottr that the final prophet spoke of the first prophet, who would have one arm and four legs. (She believes time moves backwards.) She tells him that he has met the Backwards facing god and that he alone knows where it is. 

T: – 4 Hours

The Devoted jump in. They appear to be using the same arcane creature to imporve their jumps. They hang in the air, recovering from the jump, for several hours. The Bright One fleet is ordered to jump. But one ship, "Screaming for lack of words," is unable to spin up their engines. Spanner is launched over in a torpedo to fix the situation but even he can't get this engine to go. An evacuation order comes in and the scout ship evac all 50 people onto "A Small Measure of Decency."

The Devoted begin flying their ships in as a giant net. Kanda manages to fly through a devoted ship and sledge shoots out a part of the web large enough for "A Small Measure of Decency to slip through. But five Bright Ones are caught by the web and disappear. The ship jumps as does The Inferno.

T: 0 Hours

Right when they jump to the next location, Dylan spots a number of Devoted have teleported onto the ship. 10 of them, which becomes 5 soon after. Sledge kills the power and the crew go in and dispatch the 4 devoted. Spanner, still aboard "A small Measure of Decency," gets in a fight with two Devoted Berserker and is nearly killed before the Berserker are vented into space. Spanner manages to hold on.

T: 1 Hour

Spanner repairs himself somewhat, then rejoins his crew. The Fridge I mentioned earlier has returned to the cargo bay of "A Small Measure of Decency" despite being left on the space station (which exploded). Mickey enters the fridge, expecting The Devourer. Instead, Mickey speaks to an entity claiming to be the Val-Star. 

T: 2 Hours

Two Devoted are located aboard "Time Spent Thinking About Time." The crew arrives and manages to hack the generator to consume the power going to gravity. The Devoted Orchestrator and Mickey get in a brief telekenisis sword fight which is broken up by Sledge tackling the orchestrator. Sledge is shot many, many times and eventually skewered to the Orchestrator by its floating sword. But The crew destroys the turrets and Mickey beheads the orchestrator. 

T: 3 Hours

It is discovered that the Devoted Orchestrators are able to control how much sentience the other Devoted have. But they are all powered by the Generators, who sap ship power.

Dylan and Kanda discuss somehow using Ike to possibly enter the dimension where all the Galateans keep their brains. She feeds the baby. It grabs her hand. 

T: 4 Hours

The Devoted arrive at the location of the fleet just as everyone is jumping out. The Devoted have now formed into one singular, massive ship. The Inferno jumps away. The crew still have 1 unaccounted for Devoted, somewhere in the fleet, able to relay their location to the Devoted mother ship. 

First Officer Log - Starg “Wisecrack” Burningheart

We reported to Harn at 0540, disguised as a Loan-Out tug-boat. Captain Sledge gave us some coordinates at 0600 and not a lot of information. I checked in on Splatter at 0615, who was still head drunk from last night. I picked him up and put him in the war room because it seemed funny. 

At 0700 we were at the coordinates. A shuttle arrived and we picked up our new 'guests.' A one armed Trox and an Ardin. I began telling the crew that Drottr was a Corsa, just to see what would happen. I think Dud bought it. 

At 0730, we learned of the mission. The Devoted were heading to Graceful End (the third one apparently). They were looking for the Bight Ones so they could learn the location of the Devourer and bring the Galateans all under one hive mind. So we had this little weird creature named "ike" who lived in a vat of pure arcana and could jump us all 25 in one jump. Mickey was nervous after that one time she got half he face blown off, so she insisted we run tests. We ran Ike through the 3d Printer and he made a replica of himself. It was cool. 

So, they put him in the engines and we hit the gas. It was a weird jump with Ike making race car noises and Spanner making the sounds of a fax machine.

We landed at the space station "The Joy Felt Interrupting a Pendulum," and met with Many Hands, the leader of the Bright Ones. He had with him a squishy looking human named Dylan, as a translator. He made a bit of a scene, having Kanda hold a dagger to his throat, but he agreed to put the fate of his people in our hands. How fucking nuts is that. 

So the plan was that some people would handle evacuation, others would handle navigation, and a special team would be in charge of booby trapping the station. I wound up getting drunk with a little Twigwin named Stupac Shakormp and he told me a very interesting story. He said that the little Dylan girl had recently neural jacked a Bright One's thought cloud and managed to talk in the Bright One language, which is sort of like mind melding. 

Anyway, he told me to go easy on Dylan because she was gonna be a dad.

I'm pretty sure he was fucking with me. 

Six Years Later
A lot of shit happened

The Devoted arrived about 6 years back. They arrived in bulk – a huge Galatean army, hiding in deep space for millions of years. They came for their god, the Devourer, still trapped in a Bright One prison somewhere. They offered a deal: surrender the Bright Ones and live. The UW refused. The Devoted invaded with an army larger than the combined forces of all space-faring civilizations. A few months later, the Galateans were kicked out of the United Worlds, out of fear that their government had been infiltrated by The Devoted.

Now, the galaxy is at war. 

A new alliance, The United Front, has formed to fight The Devoted armies. The alliance consists of the UW races (Humans, Ardin, Jaxean), the Kitorin, the Trox and the Kaldreth. The Altari and Corsa are neutral.

Ronan Firstlight served time, was eventually released, and is now living the humble life of a civilian strictly forbidden from any governmental apparatus ever again.

Danube 5 has undergone a series of regime changes, some more popular than others. With every change, Lassie Stinklater has remained, by popular demand, the military leader of Danube 5. It has become clear that Lassie is the real power on Danube 5 and she doesn’t seem happy about it.

Black Fin died in prison, after writing a bestselling memoir. A cult has risen, now that he is dead, devoted to his writings and his teachings. They call themselves the Black Fins and they are devoted to protecting the weak at all costs. They are always looking for what they call "The Apostles," Target and Stud, but no one really knows where those two Corsa snuck off to after the coup.

Kira stood trial for her actions and was found guilty. But, in a deal to get the Kitorin to fight against the Devoted Ones, the UW released Kira into Kitorin Custody. The Kitorin declared Kira a national hero and erected monuments in her honor, even naming their capital “Burningheart.” Alas, her warm welcome was not enough to calm her troubled heart, and after a month of freedom Kira committed suicide. In her final note, she wrote that she loved the Kitorin people, but could not live with what she had paid to free them.

The Kitorin were in the process of abolishing Corsa slavery when the Devoted attacked, putting the movement on hold until the fight was over. As a result, the Corsa refused to join the United Front. Luckily, the Kitorin are very effective warriors.

As for our heroes…

Kanda Stonesoul finally retired from the diplomatic corps. She now teaches law on Adren. Life as a courier is exciting for any normal person, but for an Ardin who has had her hand in several galaxy changing events, it's mundane. She hops in and out of war zones picking up and delivering sensitive information. Her weapons gather dust, but she hears things - always brushing elbows with admirals and diplomats. 

Captain Sledge has a pirate ship. They're not great pirates. His crew are the last vestiges of the burning legion: Kitorin freedom fighters he's weaned off their sociopathy-inducing crystals to a pure sunlight diet, making them emotionally conflicted and confused most of the time but they're generally good people - or, good-ish. While Sledge's pirating only really afforded him enough money to keep the lights on, he's managed to occasionally become a somewhat successful guerilla fighter, running dirty smash-and-grab jobs against The Devoted. He's still got contacts on New Bigsby, in the Kitorin government (the Kitorin high council labeled his ship an "enemy of the state", which is sort of a Kitorin badge of honor), plus any of Mickey's contacts, and he uses them to find potential Devoted targets to through his ship at.

Bob Dylan specializes in alien communication patterns. She knew the right people and they gave her a one way ticket to The Bright Ones' new world, a secret planet named Graceful End, where she works with the local scientists to study their culture. In her studies, she learned of Frithrik Mollipog, the Kaldreth who died on Graceful End a few years back. Frithrik taught them all an important lesson: Don't put your mind cloud in her body, it will give you a disease. She inadvertently killed a Bright One, which led them to a larger discovery: the Kaldreth were responsible for killing the Bright Ones, albeit by accident.

So that's the gist of things. We'll see what wacky series of events will get the gang back together again…

From the journals of Dagmar Deadborn

              The original story was that Kira Burningheart had kidnapped Kanda Stonesoul. But charges were never filed, so we’ll never know. Regardless, it was Kanda Stonesoul who got the crew of the Archon their meeting with a famed Altari Scientist by the name of Umar Whisperia. Of course, this was a ruse. The Crew hacked into the World Rotation Device. Security forces came but were neutralized. In the end, after a brutal fight, the device was sabotaged and the planet turned. The cottage was consigned to the sea.

              This is where I came in. It was to no one’s surprise that the crew of the Archon was brought up on charges from the UW, the Corsa government, and the Kaldreth Government. The charges were interference and war crimes. I boarded their ship and we decided to contact the Bright Ones for use of their embassy. The Bright Ones, happily, did not see this as interference, but as first contact with the new species that had been created. Meanwhile, the journalist, Mickey, published the now infamous “Mickey Leaks” where she detailed what had happened and made a compelling case for the justification of their actions.

But while they sent out this information, the UW had found them. The Archon was having difficulty prepping its navigation systems, in orbit around Goodle Station. And in that time, the flagship Tekkonkreet arrived, to arrest, or destroy them. But Drottr still had a divine token from the church of the Valstar and he used this token to contact a priest of Pelor aboard Goodle Station. The Priest declared sanctuary in the airlock of Goodle Station. When Admiral Aglgaglia contacted the crew, Drottr pointed out that Pelor’s sanctuary had been invoked. Aglgaglia is a smart admiral who knew at that moment, he’d been beat. If he fired, he would jeopardize the UW’s relationship with the church of Pelor which was far more important than their relationship with the now unstable Altari government. So he waited. The Nav was prepped and the ship basically jumped straight from a docking bay.

When they arrived at Ardin, Captain Sunspear managed to jump in past security, right at the docking bay to the Bright One embassy.

The Bright Ones accepted them. And I was informed that Ronan Firstlight had been arrested. The Kitorin had produced diplomats for the first time in history and the UW had a deal for the crew of the Archon. Join the UW military or be fugitives.

Captain Sunspear, Marcus Shore, Blistery Cobbleporch, Ithica Turk, and Weakling, all took the deal and joined the UW. Kanda was on the fence until Marcus made an impassioned plea. Sledge, now in good with the Kitorin, got himself a Kitorin battleship (with a Kitorin crew), and took to a life of a pirate captain, with his companions, Light, Allen, and Mickey.  Drottr, somehow never got charges levied against him, reenlisted with the Trox foreign legion and was assigned to a joint taskforce alongside his longtime charge, Sunspear.

I guess it all worked out. Kanda seems bored as a glorified courier. But Blistery is doing well, Weakling has become the poster child for Corsa-United Worlds cooperation. Marcus cooks, never gets tired of it. Ithica was moved to R&D where he’s putting that twitchy brain of his to use. Kira finally stood trial for war crimes and refused my representation. She was found guilty but her sentencing has been delayed by the possibility of some sort of prisoner swap with the Kitorin. Ronan was found guilty, stripped of his rank and given a measly 2 year sentence. It’s hard to say what happened to Sledge and his pirate ship. Every now and then I hear there’s been another sighting. But he’s never been the type to leave a lot of witnesses.

Lastly, Frithrik went with the Bright Ones to their new world. I hear they’re calling it Graceful End. I hope they’re right about that.

But if I’m honest… I doubt it’s over.

Excerpts from the galactic shadow committee’s investigation into Ronan Firstlight

Oshin Ogarmia interviewing Kira Burningheart

Oshin: Please state your name for the record.

Kira: Kira Burningheart.

Oshin: Will you describe the events that took place on New Bigsby on the dates in question.

Kira: Yes. We, uh, the crew of the Archon landed on New Bisgby for vacation. I was told that I would be allowed some time to enjoy myself before being delivered to prison.

Oshin: Enjoy yourself?

Kira: Yes. Rides. Beaches. It is a Jaxean world. So I took some time to enjoy the sights and also secretly contact my spies.

Oshin: Oh really?

Kira: Yes. As it doesn’t matter anymore, given the events of [redacted], I will point out that even under the watchful eye of Sledge, the Corsa, who spent the entire time no more than 15 feet from me, I managed to get word to my network about the plans concerning [redacted]. It was during this monitoring that a Jaxean female named Mintsy Smuchandsuch contacted Sledge and requested a secret meeting. She seemed, uh, mentally unwell. And she may have killed security professionals that day. So Sledge declined meeting her in a second location. The captain was nearby as we were at a pieshop owned by some fans of her. The Pigglywistleblowers. And Sledge relayed his bizarre exchange to the captain.

Oshin: All this happened at a pie shop?

Kira: Yes. Single Baby Pie Shop. Next, the Captain went to visit Ms. Smuchandsuch.

Oshin: And where was the rest of the crew.

Kira: Light, Marcus, Blistery, and Mickey were shopping, then at a karaoke bar. Frithrik was at a strip club/magic show/petting zoo.

Oshin: Can you elaborate on that?

Kira: No, not really. Allen was also shopping, but for provisions. Not clothes.

Oshin: And the other two Corsa, Target and Stud?

Kira: Still in prison at this point.

Oshin: Understood. Please go on.

Kira: Kanda found Mintsy dead at the meeting place in an apparent suicide. She tried to do some digging by was pushed aside by the police. She found Frithrik as Frithrik had been arrested for attempted kidnapping.

Oshin: Kidnapping?

Kira: She was attempting to gather children on the street. Frithrik was still in the midst of a very prolonged mental breakdown at this point.

Oshin: Right. I recall now. Go on.

Kira: At this point, Kanda began to suspect corruption so she went to see the president, Clippers. She determined through talking with him that he was not only unfit to be president, he had also fired and or imprisoned any other potential legislators and judiciaries on the planet. He was, essentially, a despot. Though he didn’t seem to notice, or understand, at that time. She left, and met up with her crew. She described the situation and they began discussing possible solutions.

Oshin: Did anyone during this meeting suggest a coup?

Kira: It was discussed.

Oshin: Really? Did the captain endorse this idea?

Kira: No. The captain’s theory was that the Heresaries, possibly with the endorsement of the UW were taking power. She did not want to start another incident with the UW so she instead pitched fixing the government.

Oshin: Fixing?

Kira: Yes. She was planning on somehow fixing the government. She had earlier lied to the president, indicating that she knew a city planner named Rick, who would help advise him. She forged documents to make her ally Light into this Rick. And then she went to meet with the president while the rest of the crew staged a jailbreak.

Oshin: Ah yes, the jailbreak.

Kira: Sledge blew up the mudslide, the very large one. And the police station emptied. The crew went down stairs and freed the prisoners, mostly political prisoners, which included Target and Stud, and Barge Wargeenoodle, Clippers’ brother. There were some Herasaries there and a fight broke out. Luckily there were no casualties.

Oshin: Yes, we did see that.

Kira: Right after the jailbreak, though we didn’t know at the time, the Herrasaries discovered that Rick was actually not who he said he was and they surrounded the captain. At this point, the captain and Light fought off their attackers and in a moment of remorse, possibly, the president gave the captain and her ally two teleportation dials. They escaped and rendezvoused with the rest of the crew, Stud, Target, and Barge Wargeenoodle. Barge began consolidating political allies and suggested they gather their most potent military ally, Lassie Stinklater.

Oshin: She was also in prison, correct?

Kira: She was in a very secure prison. The old upside-down spire.

Oshin: And were you all in the city at this point?

Kira: No. We had escaped via the fun sewers.

Oshin: I’m going to need a little more detail.

Kira: No waste. Clean water. More like a subterranean water park. It’s meant for fun. As this was a vacation, the captain insisted everything be “fun.” And the Jaxeans couldn’t help but oblige.

Oshin: So a fun Coup (laughter). Alright, settle, settle. Please proceed, Ms. Kira.

Kira: We met some jaxean teens, who smoked and were very unfriendly. Then we got in the Archon and went into orbit. That’s where we assembled our plan to break Lassie out of prison. You see, Lassie’s cell was a box dangling from a crane, about a thousand feet above a hydrogen bomb. But the crew discovered that the Herrasaries were teleporting meals to Lassie. So the crew infiltrated the station where the food was prepared and snuck the teleportation dial onto the teleporter and that was that.

Oshin: Lassie teleported out using the dial to the…

Kira: Cheese factory.

Oshin: Of course. And this infiltration, it is where the casualties occurred.

Kira: Um… I can’t…

Oshin: I would like to remind you that the Herrasaries are not my department and this interview will remain partitioned. We just want the truth. You are not under arrest, well, I guess you are under arrest, but not for these incidents.

Kira: Then yes. Light was quite ruthless in his insistence of leaving no survivors. It was also indicated by [Redacted] that we not leave… witnesses.

Oshin: We’ll redact that name.

Kira: Okay. So… yes. We managed to infiltrate the kitchen itself without violence. Mickey Van Clefe is an expert liar. Then we left and that’s when the coup happened. I should point out that the crew of the Archon, and myself, were all in orbit when the government changed hands.

Oshin: Oh, sure.

Kira: So… that’s it. Barge was declared president and Clippers was arrested.

Oshin: Yes, we know the rest.

Kira: And then… the crew voted to go back to Altorin.

Oshin: Oh. We’re going to have to stop you there. That’s… that’s another matter, not under our purview.

Kira: Of course.

Oshin: Is there anything you would like to add.

Kira: I have brought down more governments than I can count. Never has it been such a bizarre and comical ordeal.

Oshin: Comical? Let me remind you that people have died.

Kira: And I’m sure they will be missed. But, there was laughter between the gunshots.

Oshin: Well… thank you for your time, Kira.

Kira: It’s something I have a lot of these days.

Transcription of Doctor Medianoche’s therapy session with Marcus Shore

Medianoche: How are you feeling today Marcus?

Marcus: We shipped things, awful bladders that we’ll never zip back up. Tomato sauce on the kitchen flat. Nothing to be done. Time only unspins.

Medianoche: Last we spoke, you said you got shipwrecked. And it was just the crew, a barren world, and your evil clones, correct? Tell me about that.

Marcus: Aye. Fact is after six weeks on dead rock with nothing but us, we started dancing with our shadows. Lofting sorry cubes at the spiderworld. Nothing but static here. Whispers in the doors.

But when we found out that the dupe-machine that cap pressed back on death city, it made clones of all us, but wrong, and they’d been skulking the ship. We started to crack.

Medianoche: So you left? You fixed the ship?

Marcus: Cap didn’t waste a cat’s plaster on the jump, not with the sick boy, Ithaca, after the FTL shutter fly, got all radded up. And the shadows took his meds.  We made jumps for outersuck, and hit some space station. Peto’s Depot. Fucking Hog Raper, Peto was there, shit for brains slime bucket. And we bought some rad meds what for the boy. So we docked, and that’s when the shadows made their move.

First, there was Allen’s dopp. He found the med bay, spottin’ easy targets, going for the nads. Frithrik was there. She saw it happen. Yahwayverly only knows what she saw, but she skipped house, made for the bridge, while dopping Allen took shots at fish.

Medianoche: Do you think Frithrik knew it was a duplicate, when she saw the other Allen?

Marcus: Jury’s still at Jerry’s on that huckleberry. But I’ve got doubts.

Medianoche: And you think she just walked away, when shadow Allen opened fire on the doctor and his patient?

Marcus: Up is down, cracks in the shaft. I dunno.

Medianoche: What happened next?

Marcus: Venting, smart side Allen got his timmies in the mix and it was Allen v. Allen for the rumble in the jumble. But these chess masters, they went head to head, switching strategies, dodging shots. It was mind to mind, spine to spine.

Meanwise, up top, bridge side, Frithrik found fake cap, and double drottr tryin to find a star path to the Bright Ones. And once again, none but the ghosts know what she make but she didn’t say a thing. Cap and Sledge came in, plus the ink jockey, back from the war bulb, Mickey. Sledge made horse of his name-sake and he took to smashin. Mickey got all her gasses in the mix and the evil clones went down. Cap, hit the med bay to throw hollars in the hickory. She tossed an illusion, which was just her mom shouting “I object!”

Should be mentioning, that Kira helped. She stabilized the weakling, but could do nothing for Ithaca, long since expired. Luck be a second fiddle to cruising blinders, Drottr got just in the hilt, and brought Ithaca from the other side.

Oh, and I had a shadow and he had my eyes, and Light took him apart, piece by piece while I screamed in my mind.

Medianoche: There was a clone of you?

Marcus: Aye. (prolonged weeping)

Medianoche: That must have been hard on you.

Marcus: (Unintelligible)

Medianoche: It’s OK Marcus, you’re here, in my office. You’re not in a war. It’s safe here. Look around. Count the books.

Marcus: …five… six…

Medianoche: Good. Why don’t you tell me what happened next and remember, it’s not happening now. It already happened. Try to remember but not experience.

Marcus: Aye lass… Well, Sledge put shadow cap and shadow drottr in the pod and smashed ‘em into a Trox ship. Bats to betsy it was quite a kerfuffle. In the end, Frithrik got the spark of justice in her, snapped out of what betrayal she had cooked and shot shadow Allen down, right in the kinder choir of Peto’s Depot.

In the end, all the shadows got dead, but Allen, who’s an ottoman now. There was some business with Frithrik, what she knew, what she saw. Lots a red on the ledge now and I know shifty eyes when I see them…

But the madness to leave. Cap made the call that we’ve gotta move this ship in the light. So we took to Har and ar, on New Bigsby, get some lucky strikes to make the belchin belt.

Lookin forward to the sun.

Medianoche: That sounds good. You deserve a vacation.

Marcus: Did I make mention the fridge?

Medianoche: No, what fridge?

Marcus: It’s back.


Crazy tomfoolery happened. Clones! Knitted shorts! An evil fridge! A cape!

Who is real, who is shadow? Will Frithrik ever forgive the captain for opening shadow Mollipog up and finding her secret robot brain…



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